I read a statement the other day, I think it was on facebook or instagram and it said that when your child thinks that you sacrifice everything for them, all they get is feeling like they’re a burden. At first I was like, ”Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with that.” Then I thought about it and I’m like, “Well no.” When I used to think that my mom sacrificed for me because she definitely mentioned quite a bit what she sacrificed for us kids, it actually made me feel like I was worth it, that I meant something, that I mattered. She’s sharing the things that she’s not doing or she’s sacrificing so I could be a better person or my needs can be taken care of. What I internalize that to be is that “I matter. I’m worth it.” So maybe not using those words to your kids like, “I sacrificed this for you, I sacrificed that for you,” or “I do this for you, I do that for you.“
It’s not even the words that we use, it’s the tonality that we use. How are you showing your kids that they’re worth it? A lot of kids don’t even understand what does that mean to be worth it, what does self-worth mean. The way I explain it to kids is, “How do you feel like you matter in this world? What makes you feel that you’re cared for or that people see you as valued?” Sometimes as parents, it’s okay for our kids to hear that we value them so much, that we’re willing to miss out on something or we’re willing to not buy something for us so we can buy something for them. It’s the way that we explain it, it’s the meaning that we give it, it’s the meaning that our kids are gonna have.
If you are having that open, trusting, safe space to communicate with your kids, they’re gonna feel something different from you. They’re gonna feel that they do matter to you especially when you’re having the conversation if and when it comes up of what you feel you sacrifice for them. Our kids need to know they’re not a burden on us, our kids need to know that we love them, that they’re safe and that we’re here to guide themthrough their life.
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