How Do You Know If Your Kids Trust You?

Trust is something that is the foundation of all relationships, not just with you and your business partner, not just with you and your friend, or you and your partner, but also with our children. How are we building trust with our children? Trust is definitely two-way. One of the ways that we want to trust our children is when they tell the truth. What about our children trusting us? Do they trust us that we’re going to follow through? Do they trust us that we’re going to be consistent? Do they trust us that we’re going to actually listen to them without judgment? This is what trust has to come to when we’re talking about the child-parent relationship.

When I am working with children, I’m going to tell you the number one issue I have with them. From the ages of 10 to 20. They don’t trust their parents. They don’t, and it’s interesting because I was a single mom for many years and I’ve raised my children, two of whom are 28 and 23, and I always thought that they trusted me and that they told me everything that they were going through in school. I was wrong; they didn’t. I found out a lot more after they became adults and didn’t live with me anymore, maybe because they felt a little bit safer knowing that I wasn’t going to ground them. What I really found out from them is that there was no trust that I did not judge them; they felt very judged by me.

How did I find this out? My child and I were going to go to his older brother’s house for Thanksgiving, and I kind of assumed that he was going to go with me because we go every year. He said, “Why would I want to go with you?” I’m like, “Uhm, why would you not want to go with me?” He says, “What to be judged all day?” I said, “What?” He’s like, “Yeah, you’re so judgy.” I’m like, “Me? Judgy?” At this time, I’m a coach. I’m coaching your kids, and here my own kids are telling me I’m judgy. How am I? All he can remember is growing up and how I criticized him. I told him all the things he was doing wrong.

Here, I’m saying you can do better. I took the trust away from him to actually come to me and share with me what was going on. He hid things from me because he didn’t trust me. He didn’t trust that I wouldn’t judge him. That was a huge lesson for me to learn, and it was a great lesson because now I can come and help. You guys as well to build that trust. As parents, we can actually redefine parenting. All we need to do is get more curious. We need to ask more questions, and we need to set reminders for ourselves. That way, you’re able to follow through, and you’re able to give them the trust that they’re looking for.

Can you imagine stacking up with the follow-through, the consistency, the non-judgment, and how much trust you’ll have with your children? You’ll also be able to start to trust them because they’re telling you more, they’re not hiding from you, and they’re being more open with you. So when things aren’t getting done that you ask them about, they’re not making an excuse or lying about it. They’re actually telling you, “Hey mom, this came up and I wasn’t able to do it, and I apologize because I know that you wanted it done, and I’m going to do it this time. What type of relationship would that build for you and your children, just to have that family trust between you guys? It is so valuable to have that foundation of trust between you and your children; it also leads us back into that celebration of your children. Can you imagine how much more celebration you’ll have when there’s more trust in your family?

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