What’s scary about the dark?

I was 38 when I got pregnant with twins. And I remember they’re like, “Oh, you’re high-risk.” And I’m like, “Oh, because I have twins?” They’re like, “No, because your age.” And I’m like, “What? My age puts me at high risk?” They’re like, “Yeah, over 35, you’re considered high risk.” And I’m like, “What are you talking about? I feel young. I mean, I’m good. I don’t need to be high risk.” They’re like, “No, you have to be, because of your age.” It’s so funny how people with degrees start to consider what the labels are for us when we’re not ready to accept those labels. Because it wasn’t my label. I wasn’t too old. I wasn’t an old mom. I was going to be another mom at 38. At this moment, they thought I was in the dark.

 Well, darkness isn’t bad. I was just thinking about this the other day, about how kids like, “Oh, it’s so scary in the dark.” Well, what is scary? What’s really scary about the dark? We can’t see. So it brings a sense of uncertainty to our lives, and that creates that feeling of scarceness, right? And the truth is that the dark can be so beautiful because it’s so still and peaceful. And so I tell my kids, I’m like, “What’s the gift of the dark? What does silence bring to you?” The calming of it, finding the gift in it. And that’s exactly what I feel like we were describing: that there’s growth in that pain.

 And it wasn’t bad. It was what you needed to go through to see the light at the end of the day. And that’s what it is. It’s always dark before dawn. We have to go through that. Even in the worst of your days, if we are in the darkness because of loss or something traumatic has happened, first of all, it’s reaching out, reaching out to someone that can show evidence that they’ve gotten through the darkness. Because people like us can go back into the dark. Call out and say, “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t even know if I want you to help, but can you listen? Can you hear me out?” And just that first breakthrough of light, it’s like in the morning when that crack of light comes through and you want to get a little more shut eye in that pain and that quiet and that heat. Same type of thing when we’re holding a baby, right? They’re in the dark the whole time they’re growing; they’re in the dark.

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