Teenagers lack interpersonal skills, but can you blame them? It’s what they prefer to text, versus even facetiming, so they’re not getting, they’re not calling, they’re not doing in-person hangout sessions, or whenever they are, they’re on their phones. So they definitely are not getting the interpersonal skill development that they need, kind of like the connection and the belonging that we were talking about earlier, but also just like the ability to handle awkward silences.
I was with a teen client the other day, and I was really working on pausing a lot after things that he said because he kept talking about how awkward it was to have those pauses. I’m like, “We need to get comfortable with those awkward pauses because those are totally normal. Like, that is part of conversation. And if every time we experience that discomfort because it’s so awkward, and then what most teens and a lot of adults do is they pick up their phones and they start scrolling because they feel awkward, they feel uncomfortable. So they’re not learning how to just, like, feel awkward or uncomfortable. They’re not learning how to tolerate that feeling. They’re avoiding it by getting on their phone and scrolling.
The ability to navigate awkward silences and to sit with discomfort is an essential part of building meaningful connections. As I recently experienced with a teen client, learning to embrace those pauses is a vital skill often overlooked in today’s hyper-connected world. By avoiding moments of unease with a quick retreat to their phones, teens miss out on the chance to truly engage with others and develop the resilience needed for genuine human connection.
So let’s encourage our teens—and ourselves—to embrace those awkward silences, to resist the urge to reach for our phones, and instead to lean into the discomfort. Because it’s in those moments that we can truly learn, grow, and forge deeper connections with one another.
Listen to the full episode here:
“Navigating Adolescence: Understanding Emotional Intelligence in Teens” | with Dr. Melanie McNally
Information about Dr. Melanie McNally:
https://www.destinationyou.net
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