Physiology first, think about your physiology when we go into anxiety. Think about what your body’s feeling at that moment. How are you breathing? How are your shoulders? And then, what are you focused on? What are your thought processes? What are you telling yourself? And let’s just change it. If your shoulders are up, put them down, walk, and get some water. Like, just change something—the physiology in your body—and then start to refocus on something different. And then tell yourself something different. What I think if we’re teaching these kids at a young age is what they actually have control over, because what I see is that for these kids, a lot of the anxiety comes from because they don’t feel safe. And I think teaching them at a young age is preventative. They’re learning; it becomes a habit then. And then they know it’s a habit; they’ll learn when they’re younger that they’re not going to have to deal with it as much when they’re older because they’ve learned a healthy way to respond.
So some of the things are to really look at the environment. Is there structure? What’s going on in the environment? Is it bringing them safety? And that’s why I say boundaries. I always tell parents that my kids need boundaries. I said, “Think of your house.Your house is your boundary. It makes you feel safe.” Kids need that. I think with the boundaries comes what we’re talking about: structure. Even at school, kids know what the boundaries are. They know what the rules are. They know what they can and cannot do. And if you break the rules, there’s this consequence. And school hasn’t changed. It’s still the same way, and that’s why it still works.
I’ve seen an influx of this more so, though, after COVID. And I think a lot of that is because I think everyone’s struggling, not just the adults, like I was saying earlier. And so that trickles down to the kids. And so really, it’s us, as parents, really focusing on us. I always talk about how, when you’re on an airplane, they say to put your oxygen mask on first and that we need to do that for ourselves. The same thing here. We’ve got to figure out what’s going on with us before we can help our kids. And so if we can calm ourselves, if we can get regulated, that’s going to do wonders for the dynamics in your family.
Listen to the full episode here:
Mindful Parenting: Nurturing Calmness in Children
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