How do parents keep their kids safe and yet still allow them enough space to learn what they need to learn? The secret is awareness. We need to teach our kids a level of awareness that other kids don’t have or that other people don’t have. And it’s a muscle. Awareness gives you clarity. Clarity gives you focus. Focus gives you action. Action gives you results. Results give you momentum, which gives you everything. And if I could share a really great exercise, that would increase the level of awareness.
So what we would do is sit around the dinner table, and I would ask my partner, “Honey, what have you done today that you have not acknowledged?” So he said, “Look, I made this amazing meal. No one thanked me.” So my son would thank her. My daughter would thank her. I would like to thank her. Then it would be my turn. Say, “Look, I bought the groceries in. I bought and brought the groceries in.” So my partner, my daughter, and my son would thank me. Then my son would say something. My daughter would say something. Then the next question is, what act of kindness did you see today? We go around the table. What act of kindness did you do today? We go around the table. What are you grateful for? Go around the table. Another question is, what did you see? What did you notice? So, one day my son says, “I notice you picked me up at school.” Not every parent picks their kids up from school. And honestly, most kids don’t want to be with their parents. I said, “Son, I’ll always pick you up, and I’ll always give you a hug and a kiss. And if anyone says anything to you, just let them know that your mom loves you. The next question is: Is there anything on your mind? One day my daughter said, “I’m having a problem.” I said, “Great.” She said, “What do you mean, great?” “It’s great that you tell me now we can fix it, because if you didn’t tell me, we can’t fix it.” And then the last question is, what was fun magically exciting about today? Was there anything? But what was it? So you’re implying that there was.
At the beginning, they may have had a little resistance, but the great thing about this exercise was that the next day, my son, who was nine at the time, would lead the exercise. So as a leader, he has to be respectful, especially to his sister. He has to be kind. He has to be a leader, a public speaker, confident, and have a level of awareness because they’re looking for acts of kindness. They’re looking for things to notice. So this one exercise, if you do it at home, will change the dynamics of your family. I’ve had two and a half-year-olds tugging at their parents’ trousers, saying, “Can we do that exercise? Can we do the gratitude thing?” It’s a great exercise. You could even do it among your colleagues. You obviously changed the questions. What have you done that you have been acknowledged for? And everyone gets that level of communication at a much higher level. So that when there is a problem, the kids are going to feel very comfortable coming to you. And it makes a difference.
Listen to the full episode here:
“Embracing Parenthood: Nurturing Awareness, Acceptance, and Unconditional Love” | with Anil Gupta
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