We forget that we need to create that rapport with our kids. Instead of just assuming, “Oh, we’re their parents; they’re going to talk to us,” how do we create that environment? One thing that I do in the morning when I take my kids to school is ask them, “What kind of day are you going to have?” And they have different colorful words that they use. And then I ask them, “What does that look like to you?” So it’s not just; I’m going to have a good day. What does a good day actually look like to you? “Oh, I’m going to have an outstanding day.” What does an outstanding day look like to you? And then we start to add more words to it. I’m going to have a fun day. I’m going to have an exciting day. I’m going to have a kind day. And just ask them to describe what that looks like. And then I check in with them, and I just presuppose, “How was your kind day today? What was exciting about it? What did it look like to you? Did you accomplish it?” And it’s funny because now they ask me, they’ll ask me, “Mom, what kind of day are you going to have?” And I’ll tell them, and I’ll say, “Productive.” Well, what does that look like to you? Because kids model what they see and hear.
Another one was when I was working away one day and my son said, “You know, you lied to me.” And I thought, “Wow.” I said, “Wow, son, I’m flabbergasted.” I’ve got a very high level of integrity, and I could have gotten upset with it. What are you talking about? I said, “You know, okay, let’s see.” “Sometimes you’ll say you’ll come and play in half an hour, but you take over an hour.” And I said, “Wow, he’s right.” I said, “No, you’re not, son. You’re right. I apologize. Please forgive me.” But now I’m a lot more careful. I was a lot more careful of what words came out. And I think if I’m saying that to my son, I’m saying it to my daughter, and I’m probably saying it to my partner. I’m probably saying it to my friends. So this is where awareness comes in because we can all hold each other accountable. Just like your children are asking you, what are you going to gain by being held accountable? Everybody wins. Setting everybody up to win.
How many parents want to trust their kids? “I don’t trust them. I need to trust them.” But when I ask kids, If you trust your parents, do you know how many kids tell me they do? Not many at all. And if I ask my kids, “Do you trust me?” They’re going to tell me to my face, “Oh, of course I trust you.” But have someone else ask them, because when they feel that there’s no repercussion for being honest with how they’re feeling, that they’re not going to get reprimanded, or why don’t you trust me? This isn’t to shun anybody or shame anybody. This is literally: how do we make it better? How do we become better parents? How do we produce better kids who are going to be better adults going forward in this world? The greatest gift we can give our kids is learning how to deal with adversity.
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