By now, millions of people have watched The Crash on Netflix. The documentary follows the case of Mackenzie Shirilla, a 17-year-old convicted of intentionally driving a car into a wall, killing her boyfriend Dominic Russo and his friend Davion Flanagan.
The internet has been divided. Was it intentional? Was it an accident? Did the documentary show the full picture?
But as a Parent Child Whisperer® with over 25 years of experience working with families, I kept asking a different question.
How did we get here? And what could have been done differently?
Everyone Is Talking About Mackenzie. Nobody Is Talking About the Parenting.
The patterns were there long before July 31st, 2022.
Bullying behavior at school. Explosive and controlling relationships. A history of behavior that people around her witnessed and reported. And yet her parents called her a good girl.
This is not about blaming her parents. This is about understanding what happens when we love our children but stop truly seeing them.
When a parent repeatedly explains away behavior, defends their child against all evidence, and prioritizes peace over accountability, they are not protecting their child. They are leaving them without the guidance they need most.
The Part Hulu Showed That Netflix Missed
After watching The Crash, I found Mean Girl Murders Season 2 Episode 7 on Hulu, titled Under the Influence. And it filled in a critical piece of the story.
Mackenzie was not just controlling in her relationships. She was feared at school. Over 100 girls followed her around. She was described by classmates as someone who needed to be at the top. Not liked. Feared.
Here is what that tells me as a parent coach.
When a child goes to that extreme to feel validated, wanted, and powerful, it is because nobody at home taught her what she was truly worth. She went looking on the outside for what was never built on the inside.
Giving Kids Everything Does Not Build Self Worth. This Does.
We live in a time where parenting has shifted toward giving children more freedom, more choices, and more validation. We want our kids to feel good. We want them to like us. We want to be their safe place.
But here is what 25 years of working with families has taught me.
Real self worth is not built by saying yes to everything. It is built through:
- Boundaries that show your child the world has limits.
- Accountability that teaches them actions have consequences.
- A parent who sees them clearly and loves them anyway.
- Hard conversations instead of avoided ones.
- A parent who says no and means it.
This Was Preventable. Here Are 5 Things That Could Have Changed Everything.
I want to be clear. This is not about judgment. This is about learning.
If The Crash taught us anything as parents, it is this. We have to be willing to see our children clearly before the world does it for us.
Here are 5 things that could have made a difference:
- Address the behavior instead of excusing it.
- Hold her accountable instead of defending her.
- Say no and mean it.
- Follow through with real consequences.
- Be her parent. Not her friend.
The Teenage Brain and Why Freedom Without Guidance Is Dangerous
Some people will argue that this is a different generation. That parenting looks different now. And they are right.
But here is what does not change with generations. The teenage brain.
The frontal lobe. The part of the brain responsible for decision making, impulse control, and understanding consequences. Is not fully developed until age 25. That is not a generational issue. That is biology.
Freedom without structure for an unfinished brain is not modern parenting. It is a gap that our kids end up paying the price for.
Loving Your Child and Parenting Your Child Are Not the Same Thing
Mackenzie’s parents loved her. I have no doubt about that.
But love alone is not enough.
Two families buried their sons. And I keep thinking about what could have been different.
As parents we are the architects of our children’s character. What we normalize. What we ignore. What we excuse. What we celebrate. All of it becomes the foundation of who they become.
Ask the hard questions. Before the world asks them for you.
Are You Ready to Truly See Your Child?
If this blog resonated with you, I want you to know that you do not have to figure this out alone.
For over 25 years I have been working with families to bridge the gap between parent and child. To help parents see their kids clearly. To build the kind of connection that creates confident, accountable, grounded children.
My In-Home TurnAround program and Parent Child Whisperer Certification are designed to give you the tools to parent from your greatness so your child can grow into theirs.
Visit veenuinspires.com or book a call at callwithveenu.com to learn more.
Give your kids a childhood they will not have to heal from.