Everyone has their own approach. As parents we want to know we are “doing it right.” A better question to ask, “what is right?” What is the outcome that we want to see as parents? For me a parent of 4, I want to know that I am giving the best guidance I can to enable my children to be independent, mentally and emotionally strong and successful adults. In order to achieve this, I have to make sure I am giving them every opportunity to grow.
A behavior will only continue if it is being rewarded. Here we have to ask ourselves, “why does Harper want to sleep in her parent’s room?” “Did she sleep there before she was put into a room with her siblings?” “What is the results we want?” Because I do not know the family and can only go off this snippet on Good Morning America, I would think the result for the parents is to get Harper to be independent and sleep in her own room.
If that is true, how is making a “safe space IN the parents room” meeting the outcome? Where are the results? I understand it is so hard to hear your child screaming for hours because they want your attention. I know it hurts your heart strings, and what is the outcome? Making a space in your room just enables her. 5 Things to think of… 1. this shows her that she is in charge; 2. she can get her way as long as she continue to have a tantrum; 3. this is not teaching her independence; 4. how are the parents going to have intimacy to continue to have a passionate relationship between them if the child is in their room and 5. what are the parents going to do when the other 2 kids refuse to sleep in their room?
By making a safe space in the room, you have just now put a band-aid over the situation. You can have excuses or results… You have to choose what is it you really want.
Here is what I (Veenu Inspires) would guide the family to do:
Create a bedtime routine. FOLLOW through. Your child does not know how long they have been crying, only you do. There is nothing wrong with talking to your child and reassuring them they are ok and you are still there. You can do this without allowing them to be in your room. Reward the child for being a big girl/boy and sleeping in her own bed. There are so many techniques you can do to meet the outcome of having your child in their own bed as well as promoting them to be independent.
Parenting is not a style. You can not love your child too much. You can not over care. Parenting is a behavior and like all behaviors we 1st must examine what are the results we want.